Wednesday, November 19, 2008

An easy way to help the auto industry


PLEASE NOTE: This is written tongue-in-cheek style, so to my family and friends, remember you said you wouldn't commit me unless you found me knitting outfits for my cat Abby. (Hide the yarn, Abby)

I have a solution to help the auto industry, eliminate our dependence on foreign oil, create more jobs, and reduce global warming: Lets get rid of all the cars and use horses. This is how and why horses will solve our economy problem.

We'll use all those poor wild horses that are going to be slaughtered. We will hire a bunch of people to tame them (more jobs created). Automakers will now be horse breeders. Car dealers will be horse dealers. They can even keep some of the same names as their cars, Dodge Colt, Ford Pinto, etc.( maybe not the Pinto). The parking lots of showrooms will be converted to horse stalls. There will be an SUV model, complete with a covered wagon. Car part places will now stock horse supplies and accessories, including saddle cup holders. Car washes will now be horse grooming stations.

Gas stations, since we won't need gas anymore, will now be horse feeding stations with water troughs and bails of hay at reasonable prices. Oil companies will be farms, producing hay and feed for horses. The CEOS of the oil companies will be forced to work hard, physical labor on these farms. The farmers will now be the CEOS of the farming industry.

The kids will love it. Merry Go Rounds will be Car Go Rounds, as each horse is replaced with a replica of old cars such as the Toyota Camry and Cadillac Escalade.
The riding age will be 10. There will be horse riding lessons in place of driving lessons. Lots of horse drawn sleigh rides.

Think of the new fashion industry opening up: people will have cowboy outfits.
We won't have to worry about paving roads anymore, since horses will be using them.

Nascar will be replaced with horse races and the racing tracks will be governed by the Humane Society.

The horses will have GPS microchips, in case they get lost or stolen.
I haven't quite figured out how to install CD players and stereos yet. The loud noise might frighten the horses. Maybe we could use earphones.

You could drink and drive all you want, without danger of getting in an accident.

Oh, and I haven't forgotten how to deal with the horse manure: We will get oil company executives, bank executives, and Wall Streeters to be responsible for scooping up the poop everywhere.

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